A Blonde & Her Thermos

A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, "What is that?"

The helpful store clerk responds, "Why, it's a thermos."

Still curious, the blonde asks, "What does it do?"

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," replies the clerk.

So she buys one....

The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.

Her boss, also a blonde, asks, "What's that shiny thingy?"

She replies with authority, "It's a thermos."

"Oh," says he, "And what's it do?"

"Well," says she, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

Then he asks, "So what do you have in there today?"

"Two cups of coffee and a Popsicle"(Ice cream or water-ice on a small wooden stick).

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

This Is Good!

The story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!"

One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!"

To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.

About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.

As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way.

As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend.

"You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."

"No," his friend replied, "This is good!"

"What do you mean, 'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"

"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you!"

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

Killer English

1. Class teacher once said: "pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!"

2. once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

3. dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down...

4. it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said "why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

5..teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!

6. "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

7. My manager started like this "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

8. "I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board "will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

9. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

10. Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

11. Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

12."why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

13. Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand?

14. Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

15. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

16. I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

17. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

 And that's how the fight started.

18. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?

19. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out  of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,  'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's how the fight started.

20. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

The Sunday Paper!

"Where is my Sunday paper?" the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Ma'am," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, as she was heard to mutter, "Well, that's why no one was at church today!"

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

Anybody Home?

A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door.

"Anybody home?"

A child's voice answered, "Yep."

"Is your father there?"

"Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in."  

"Well, is your mother there?"

"Nope, Ma left just before I got here."

"Are you never together as a family?"

"Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

Getting Up Late!

Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.

After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in he morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.

 "Boss," he said, "the pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!"

"That's all fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)

The Electric Chair

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose - how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

The book appeared. It said "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government Institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)