Killer English

1. Class teacher once said: "pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!"

2. once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

3. dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down...

4. it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said "why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

5..teacher in a furious mood... write down ur name and father of ur name!

6. "shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"

7. My manager started like this "Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

8. "I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board "will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

9. LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

10. Chemistry HOD comes and tells us... "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

11. Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

12."why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

13. Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code.. "I understand. You understand. Computer how understand?

14. Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class.. "Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

15. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... ..so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.

16. I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

17. After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

 And that's how the fight started.

18. My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?

19. I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out  of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,  'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And that's how the fight started.

20. I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.

V. Shrinivas (Seenu)